Practitioners

The Safety Net Discussion Tool is to help practitioners distinguish between domestic abuse and parental conflict.

Please use this discussion tool with each parent / carer, individually. This is to ensure we find the most appropriate service for the family.

Experts on domestic abuse recognise that it is evidently distinct from parental conflict. One is about two parents feeling able to express their feelings and wishes (albeit not always in a constructive or positive way), but the other is about one partner exerting power and control over another – even where a victim may attempt to resist that control.

SPR Safety Net

Hampshire County Council have procured a limited number of spaces for Mediation / Couple Support and Family Counselling.  This service is for families who are experiencing harmful parental conflict and require high intensity, expert provision.  This service is available to families from across Hampshire County Council area.  Families should first be supported to access the universal Strengthening Parental Relationships Universal Offer  which includes free courses for parents / carers and useful links to reliable sources of information, advice and support.

The Mediation / Couple Support Service:

Mediation – for separated parents

The Mediation service will be provided by Mediation Now to co-parents (those with Parental Responsibility) who have separated. Family mediation is a confidential process in which an independent, professionally trained mediator helps parents make their own decisions and arrangements.  Mediation Now is running “Changing Lives Mediation” for Hampshire County Council – a combination of mediation and child consultation, with additional communication and conflict management techniques designed to reduce inter-parental conflict.

Couple support – for parents who are together

Southampton Family Trust provides Couple Support to parents who are in a relationship.  This involves 6 x 1 hour sessions with a trained facilitator using the Prepare Enrich relationship education tool including: communication and conflict management skills, identifying and managing major stressors, the impact of family of origin on the couple relationship and understanding personality differences in order to maximise teamwork. Discussions cover couples’ concerns and consider how the couple communicate and manage conflict around issues.

Use where family is unsuitable for family counselling i.e. where the couple have children under the age of 8 years, or the couple want to access support without the children present.

The Family Counselling Service

Family Counselling is a confidential service that gives families the chance to express and explore their feelings in a safe, non-judgemental environment. Families can discuss difficulties and differences within their relationships with the aim of improving communication and finding a way forward, together. The approach is inclusive and considerate of every member of the family, avoiding any sense of ‘ganging up’. It looks to recognise each individual’s strengths and work with members of the family in a collaborative way being sensitive to the diverse nature of family relationships, forms, beliefs and cultures. Systemic family counselling offers tremendous benefits, including:

• Healthy boundaries, family patterns and dynamics
• Reduced conflict and better anger management skills
• Better parenting / co-parenting
• Enhanced communication and empathy
• Improved problem solving, Improved intimacy and compassion

The Family Counselling Service is provided by Off The Record and Hart Voluntary Action across Hampshire for family members aged 8 plus are affected by harmful conflict.

How do I refer?

1. Complete the pre-referral activities below:

a. Making a Safer Referral:  To help us reach people with the most appropriate and safe service, please be aware that the following scenarios are not suitable for referral:

• Evidence of domestic abuse or controlling behaviours

As with all SPR interventions, this service is not appropriate when there is domestic abuse.   We have adapted a tool from Cafcass to help distinguish between harmful parental conflict and domestic abuse which we have called the “Safety Net Discussion tool”.  Please use this tool or another evidence based approach to screen for domestic abuse prior to discussing a possible referral.

• A family participant is in active crisis
• A participant is receiving therapy elsewhere, or on a waiting list to receive counselling somewhere soon
• There are Public Law proceedings with the Court in relation to the current children (Care Proceedings).

b. Who does well … are the parents / carers ready to engage?

c. Practitioner commitment to wrap around support.

2. Once you have spoken to each parent / carer and agreed* to make a referral, share the SPR HIEP Privacy notice for families and complete the online referral form.

3. The SPR team will contact you to discuss the referral.

4. If it is agreed that the referral is safe and appropriate, the SPR team will send contact information for the parents / carers to the service providers. For Mediation & Couple Support this is Mediation Now (trading as Family Solutions), for Family Counselling, this is Off The Record.

5. On receipt of the family contact information, the service providers will contact each parent / carer and arrange an initial assessment. Mediation is provided by Mediation Now, Couple Support is provided by Southampton family Trust and Family Counselling is provided by Off the Record and Hart Voluntary Action.

6. If you have any questions about Strengthening Parental Relationships, you can contact Emma, SPR Coordinator: spr@hants.gov.uk.

*Practitioners referring a family to the SPR Mediation, Couple Support or Family Counselling must follow their own organisations GDPR process, to ensure required consent / legal basis for sharing both parents/ carers information. It is essential that both parents / carers agree with the referral and wish to access the service.

Making a safer referral

To help us reach people with the most appropriate and safe service, please be aware that the following scenarios are not suitable for referral:

• Evidence of domestic abuse or controlling behaviours

As with all SPR interventions, this service is not appropriate when there is domestic abuse.   We have adapted a tool from Cafcass to help distinguish between harmful parental conflict and domestic abuse.  Please complete the Safety Net Discussion Tool (listed above) with both parents, individually prior to making a referral

• A family participant is in active crisis
• A participant is receiving therapy elsewhere, or on a waiting list to receive counselling somewhere soon
• There are Public Law proceedings with the Court in relation to the current children (Care Proceedings).

Who does well…

This section is to help identify if the parents are ready to engage with the services on offer. Please consider these before making a referral.

• What are the motivations?

o Both parents want a change to the current arrangements (genuine voluntary engagement)

o Parents are willing to see things from the child’s perspective

• Is this intervention part of the plan?

o Mediation/ Couple Support / Family Counselling should not be used as an exit strategy to  Early Help / Child in Need / Child Protection plan

o Parents are at a stage in the plan where they are open to change and work with another professional.

• Child’s voice

o What are the child’s views and wishes about family relationships? What do they see / hear / feel

Practitioner commitment to wrap around support

To refer to the service, we ask that the Lead Professional working with the family identifies

practitioners known to the family to commit to the “wrap around support” set out below.

This could include a support worker, mental health worker, member of school / early years

Staff or a children’s service staff member.

Wrap around support: A Practitioner outside of the service holding the parent in mind (ideally a practitioner with an established relationship with the parent).

Mediation is a big step and can be hard. Sometimes parents won’t have had any contact with each other for some time, so there is often great anxiety before that first (and subsequent) sessions. Family Counselling can be a daunting prospect, participants may be nervous about sharing their views or hearing what other members of their family are feeling.

Having a practitioner touch base with each parent individually, before each session to demonstrate that they are valued and to offer support can make a big difference to effective engagement. It is strongly advised that each parent / carer has a separate Wrap Around Support Practitioner, this is to reduce the likelihood of the practitioner being drawn into conflict. Where a practitioner is supporting both parents, clear boundaries must be maintained, including separate conversations with each parent and ensuring the needs of both parents are met.

Parental separation is difficult for parents and children. Parents can experience difficulty processing the loss of their adult relationship and loss of their relationship with their children. This can lead to difficulties in going from a united family structure to a functioning separated family structure.  As a first line service for children, schools can find themselves placed in the middle of family conflict and often have to tread a fine line to avoid aligning with one parent at the expense of a child’s attachment bond with the other parent.  To help reduce conflict between parents for the long-term benefit of children and to support school staff, Right to Love UK has provided a free Separated Parent Policy Template, available here: Separated Parent Policy – Right to love

The Child of Separated Parents

This powerful resource aims to remind us of the needs, wishes, and feelings of children when experiencing parental separation so that we can understand their needs and prioritise them in decision-making.

Please share this content for and wide so that people understand the experiences of children and help us to ensure that ‘Parenting Doesn’t End When Relationships Do!’

The Child of Separated Parents – NACCC